That prison workshop job might have been improving but dragging myself through the other one, the one on the outside all those months before was very different.
In the time after abandoning my family and involving myself in the shady, if excitingly intimate world of young sex workers, nothing was going well. After the brief but tragically poignant episode with Michael, light had been shone on the life he and many others like him sadly led. The stolen moments we had spent, despite the pitiful failed attempts at full gay sex were so different to those I had put up with for however many months. Considering if it was just that the grass is always greener etc., deliberately spending less time in the shadow of such beauty and unattainable bounty, things were starting to get painfully too realistic. Wishing I could have spent more time with the tantalising Irish boy, I had tried to track him down but only caught a glimpse of him once and I couldn’t stop the car before he was gone. This did nothing for my general mood and the world was slowly slipping away from me and I couldn’t see any way of pegging its accelerative decline.
Michael had however, left me a small present although it took a little time to find it. A few days after I had spent the night with him I noticed an itching, down below. Closer examination showed a few bright red dots on both my stomach and down into the crevasses of my groin. Picking at one, just like you probably shouldn’t, I found it came off with a little persuasion, stuck to the point of a nail. Closer observation saw little legs thrashing in the air and the full horror was exposed. Crabs. With no experience of these beasts and one else to confide in I asked John if he knew what they were. His practical and pragmatic approach to most things had a comprehensive dermal cleaning and polishing regime which thankfully cleared up quite quickly. His enquiry as to how they had been acquired went unanswered. Although I couldn’t think of blaming Michael, it was just something else I could have so easily taken him away from. All it did was force me to take another step downwards on the happiness ladder.
Just how few rungs there were left I didn’t know of course or I might not have fallen for the next, and as it turned out, the penultimate personal humiliation. It was proving hard to wean myself off the beauty and potential which Paul or Steve would never allow me and sadly there was ever declining physical contact. Their attempts to ply me with small ‘treats’ and compliant ‘friends’ thankfully seemed to have stopped although it was just another minus in an already negative world. The long unproductive drives to clubs and bars were defiantly less attractive and thankfully getting very rare. Whether it was the adventures or the company I longed for I couldn’t or more likely didn’t want to work out. To find out for certain would mean a trial by omission, in each case I would potentially lose even more of whatever little life I was left clinging onto. My unremitting search for unattainable perfection was near to its unfruitful end.
In my head, I had decided not to go on the latest outing which Steve had suggested. It was unusual for him to make any plans as he now had a regular partner and they did most things on their own; in-between the money-making work of course. As it was so unexpected it seemed rude not to agree. His associate, as I had already experienced, was an almost carbon copy of Steve, skin head, perfect dress on a perfect body, perfect persona wrapped around playful potential so what was not to like; although it would never be of course. To make this Saturday night outing even more curious, there was no Paul. He was apparently going to meet us there; for the first time I could admit to, I didn’t feel the same sense of loss which I might have in the past.
There were just the three of us with the happy couple in the back. Having already established I liked to be in the company of the exquisite, having to watch the interaction of the two said beautiful people thorough the rear-view mirror, I found it most uncomfortable to have the two of them getting more than a little friendly with each other; friendly almost to the point of penetration. At that point, I had to step in with a comment as I was in danger of crashing the car. Sarcastically offering to pull over so they could carry on perhaps more discretely, I added the spoiler of course that I would need to watch put them off their stride. It was always worth giving it a shot, what was there to lose? The rest of the journey was rather more subdued; we had all missed out.
With only the briefest of exchanges to arrange the regrouping, the two of them blended seamlessly into the mass of similarly attractive clientèle, all of whom were out for a good night. At that point, and for the first time I could remember, I wanted to go straight back to the car and home. The bubble had finally burst.
Sitting on a low wall trying to make my mind up, the parade of endless beauty was all that kept me there. My vicarious thoughts and pointless dreams were interrupted by a pair of perfectly manicured hands as they slid over my shoulders and down inside the front of my shirt. A kiss on the cheek wafted familiar and expensive perfume into my face.
“You made it then, where are the lovers?”
Not needing to look to see who it was, I allowed the familiarity to continue; I needed something for my trouble after all. The question hadn’t really required an answer and so I didn’t give one which would have ended the moments pleasure for certain.
“What’s the plan?” I hoped my own question might keep his hand exploring a little longer.
“Nothing we’re all just having fun, like we do.”
His bland assumption forced me to take his hand out of my shirt and regretfully off my right nipple.
I was in the right mood for an argument, but I also knew it would be a waste of both my time and my flagging energy.
“Let’s go,” his upbeat nature hadn’t registered my comment, “this is Lurch by the way.”
Looking round to see who or what ‘Lurch’ might be, I did a double take which was so overstated it was embarrassing.
I offered him my hand to at least justify my interest, he took it as if he didn’t shake hands very often; he didn’t return the pleasantry with his given name.
This was going to be demanding work but, Paul’s ‘friends’ had proved that all too often in the past. Neither seemed in any hurry to fill in the obvious gaps and the club’s dark corners were obviously beckoning; despite this, I stayed where I was on the wall.
“Come on then, let’s have fun, shake your aaass!”
Although Paul was looking at me I knew I was not going to be part of anything which involved him, not directly anyway.
“I’ll follow you in a bit,” my indifference was deliberately patent.
“OK if you want, I’ll see you in there, come on Lurch, let’s get down and dirty.”
I followed the comment with my eyes and was surprised at the concerned look which received it. In the split seconds the exchange took, the strange but interestingly ‘contrasting’ person he certainly was had caught more of my attention.
His height was the most notable thing, despite me being sat down, he would have towered over my adequate six feet by at least six or seven inches. His dark, half cast skin was over exposed at his shirt cuffs where the sleeves were too short; or was it his arms were too long, no matter. From the earlier uncertain handshake, I had taken in the huge, over extended fingers which, on reconsideration had given a strong but controlled grip. Above the collar his unusually long narrow neck protruded awkwardly from the pink and grey check shirt collar which held up an elongated face which was unusual but in a way attractive. It had all the required components in reasonable proportions but without any of the more classical attributes. Short dark curly hair gave away his part ethnic origin it was well manicured and suited his unusual proportions. Our eyes touched for an almost immeasurable flash and we both quickly looked down at our feet; although I was looking at his as well. The trouser bottoms only just met what must have been purpose-built trainers. Although very interesting, there was no time to consider the matter much further.
“Well, what’s everyone waiting for?” Paul was addressing the tall one as I had already stated my case, “It’ll be time to go home if you don’t hurry.”
He clearly didn’t appreciate the blank look which ‘Lurch’ gave him and I compounded his misery by pointedly adding my own.
Looking back to the one with no name, we smiled at each other for the briefest opportunity to annoy Paul more; that was my interpretation anyway. The next comment was rather more unsettling and from Lurch himself.
“Me and Danny here,” he looked at me for some confirmation which he had gotten my name right, but it was close enough for now, “we’ll follow later, like he said.”
For such a tall person, I hadn’t been expecting such a high-pitched voice. He was becoming more interesting by the minute. Paul went off in a huff and neither of us seemed to mind or notice where he went. What I was supposed to do now I had no idea; if in doubt, at least try to be sociable.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to stop you going in, you came up here with him I guess?”
The handsome giant sat on the wall next to me which did at least make conversation less of a strain on my neck.
“Ye, the prick!”
The comment caught me off guard and I had to concentrate to suppress a grin which bubbled up.
“You’re not, together?” I wanted to choose my words so as not to offend.
“Together, with that prick?” his limited linguistic range was a disappointment. “He told me we were goin’ to have a ‘good time’, there’d be loads of people around and some action he said.”
His desultory tone gave away some of his underlying feelings while a note of worry started to form somewhere deep inside my head; this sounded all too familiar. Pulling back emotionally from the conversation, it seemed a shame not to have just enjoyed taking to him a little longer.
“Perhaps we should go in,” I made it sound more of an instruction than a question.
“Fine, let’s go,” he didn’t seem very bothered.
“You don’t have to, it’s a long time till closing,” I couldn’t help but care about people could I, “do you know anyone else here?”
I could tell he wasn’t local because of the Midlands accent.
“No, only the prick.”
He joined in when I smiled at what I assumed was his accidental alliteration, he more than likely didn’t understand, not that it really mattered as long as he was smiling.
Standing up as if I needed to go somewhere, he stayed where he was, and I really didn’t know what to do with him. My brain chipped in by asking what I thought I was getting involved with now. He wasn’t with me; he wasn’t my responsibility; he’s certainly big enough to look after himself; perhaps he might not be; he looks so sad; he obviously needs someone; he needs you; he was available; you are available; Paul ‘the prick’ he’s one of those alright; had he set me up; had he really done it again? The stark realisation bobbed to the surface and any friendly feelings I might have been developing for this lumbering friendly giant had sunk without trace.
Despite being angry I couldn’t walk away I should have walked straight to the car and gone home, left them all to stew, left them all to find their own way back. Curiously I couldn’t make myself go anywhere. Lurch finally stood up.
“No, ’e didn’t, not really,” as we stood by each other he seemed even taller than he had before, “ ’e just said there was someone who was feeling unappreciated and in needed some kind of complaint company.”
He seemed lost for words, perhaps the use of so many long and obviously unfamiliar ones had worn him out; it was obviously a planted statement.
“I can guess the rest, don’t worry, this is not my first time,” looking at his confused face he definitely hadn’t understood my play on words, “you don’t have to stick around for my sake. You do know I was the unappreciated one he was on about?” I didn’t wait for any acknowledgement of suggestion.
“You just go and have your fun, I don’t know what I want to do anymore,” it was so very true.
“Come on it’s a waste not to go in, you can’t stay out ‘ere on your own?”
He seemed concerned but I couldn’t tell if it was genuine or just rather bad play acting.
“No, don’t you worry about me, if I saw him I might punch him so it’s not a good idea?”
“I might punch ’im myself when I see ’im, not because of …,” he went very red at what he was about to say, “you’re not…,” thankfully he stopped talking before he got unwittingly offensive.
“I know, don’t panic, but if you do, add a bit more on for me.”
We both laughed at the picture of dire retribution we seemed to share. Unconsciously I reached out and touched his arm and he stopped laughing rather abruptly. The look of confusion was enough to spoil the moment. My gesture had meant nothing, but he retracted by pulling his overly long limb from under my hand. Confused, I tried to defuse the moment.
“You go if you want, I might just wait in the car it’s best if I’m out of the way don’t you think?”
I could tell he was torn between following instructions and having an evening out with his peers. It was far too familiar to be comfortable. A second touch from me ineffectively pushed his huge frame in the direction of the club’s entrance. He took the hint and walked away. Heading back towards the car I had at least proved my intention and being able to park in a side street not far from the club, I was soon in a safe cocoon more of my own choosing.
Hidden from sight, my feelings were once more a mass of unresolved and confused sentiment, annoyance and perhaps even the start of being really angry. My overriding feeling was I was too old for all this with nothing to show in the end for any of the heartache and hubris. In the darkness of the alleyway, the noise of the night was thankfully far enough away and I must have fallen asleep. I didn’t realise I had until there was a banging on the window; this too was an all too familiar sound.
“Dave, mate, it’s me, Steve.”
Thinking the commotion was still part of some unremembered dream, I must have jumped up most likely looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights. As he had said it was Steve and there, his lover boy twin was lurking behind him, one grin would have been pleasant but two was too much right in my face and right through my soul. Lying back hoping to make it all go away, they were obviously not going anywhere.
“Come on, let’s not be silly,” they must have taken my action in the wrong light, “it’s cold and we really need to get home.”
I wasn’t moved; not straight away anyway.
Without the need for words or looking, I pressed the central locking switch and they both jumped in the back seat. As I rolled up the back of my seat I caught sight of the lip locked couple and issued some wordless comment; they stopped.
“Oh, sorry, did you have a nice time, we…” they giggled like the pretty schoolgirls they could so easily have been, “we have…” they gave up on any kind of reasoned explanation.
“No I didn’t but thanks for asking,” it was not difficult to work in a sarcastic slant to my comment, “where’s that prize prick…” I was lost for a more complementary adjective, “do you know what he tried to…”
It was a waste of time trying to have any meaningful discussion as they had slipped into each other’s arms again and a deep all-consuming facial clinch, I was so jealous of them I felt ill; again. Turning the rear-view mirror so I didn’t have to watch, I wished there was some way of turning off the sound as well. The passenger door opened which thankfully distracted me, but unfortunately not the kissing couple in the back. No one got in, but I could see the long legs that could only have belonged to ‘Lurch’.
“Hi,” he struggled to bend over to look in as he spoke, “ain’t you seen, ’im,” his animosity didn’t seem to have diminished from earlier, “ ’e said ’e would see me outside in a couple of minutes said go and look for the maroon car, ’e is such a…,” I saved him from further embarrassment.
“Don’t just stand there get in.”
His dark skin tine turned slightly purple as he blushed and trying to comply he had some difficulty. My head bumped into his intruding rear end as I leaned across to slide the seat back which slammed into the lover’s legs behind and broke the suck fest; uncompromising look killed off the complaint that was almost voiced. ‘Lurch’ eventually folded himself in and sat down next to me.
“I didn’t go inside in the end, sorry,” although he didn’t need to know I had told him anyway, “I’ve been asleep here,” I hoped he might feel a little sorry for me.
“Oh, sorry I …”
He hadn’t seemed to have developed any novel words while he had been away.
“What’s going on then?” the request for information had come from the back seat, “are we staying, going, where is everyone else?”
The answers could wait as my attention remained with the gentle giant in the front.
“What are you doing now, sorry,..,” I realised I didn’t even know his name but at the significant pause he didn’t fill in anything useful.
I tried again.
“How did you get up here,” pause, “I assume you don’t live here? Do you? Sorry I don’t even know your…, where is….”
My mouth was running off rubbish again and my brain wasn’t stopping it and I felt rather a fool; yet again.
“Darren,” at last, “I’ve been ’ere a few days but I don’t live ’ere, Paul said I might get a lift back if I asked nice.”
He didn’t have to go that far I thought, but at least I had a name now.
“Where is ‘he’ anyway, did you see him, did you give him a good pasting for….” my brain did stop me this time as I realised the other two were still listening.
“He’s not coming back with us, didn’t ’e tell you?”
Steve was obviously under the impression I had already been told and said so; my sideways look wiped the smile off his happy face.
“What do you think? What else did he say?”
“Nothing, no, he’s with someone he picked up last night when we…” Steve’s misaligned chain of thought was catching up with his words, “he didn’t come up…”
By turning my head further to look him right in the face, he knew he had probably said too much. His mouth closed and stayed closed, his still gorgeous eyes sadly gave away the rest of the story.
Feeling both angry, hurt and dismal all in one blinding hailstorm of emotion, I had to try to remind myself, they were all free to do what they liked, come and go, see whoever they wanted, but, while inside it hurt for so many reasons I couldn’t begin to rationalise any at that precise moment. I drew in a deep and uncompromising breath to keep myself from breaking down in-front of these hapless creatures and spoke through almost gritted teeth.
“Are you coming with us or do you have somewhere else to be?”
I had moved my gaze to the now awkwardly folded up person next to me.
My annoyance was not meant to be directed at but he looked rather scared and a touch confused. The ‘twins’ had settled back quietly into the back seat trying to keep out of the line of fire, but I had discounted them for now anyway. There was a moment’s perfect silence.
“Sorry.” I put my hand on the considerable thigh, as was the custom, “It’s nothing to do with you, I didn’t mean…” he mirrored the touch which made my leg look like a match stick.
“Don’t worry, it’s fine, it’s all O….,” not again I thought, withdrawing my hand quickly stopped him saying the phrase.
“Do you want a lift somewhere or do you have other plans,” my gruff words made his hand disappear as well.
“Thanks yes if it’s OK, I don’t wanna be…” he obviously didn’t know what he wanted to be, “if it’s no bother I could do with a…”
I had started the car by this time and the rest of his fawning was irrelevant.
It was a very quiet drive out of the city on the all too familiar road towards the motorway. Almost like being on rails, the car pulled into the all-night garage for supplies. The two in the back jumped out almost before the car had stopped, no doubt glad to be out of the unpleasant atmosphere I had obviously created with my desultory mood.
“Do you not want to get anything?”
It seemed my new companion didn’t know the drill.
“No, from there, no, do you?”
I was touched that, in the dozens of times we must have stopped, I was being asked the question with any sort of meaning.
“Thank you, no, but it’s nice to be asked,” he looked puzzled at what might have been a mocking tone, I hadn’t meant it to be, “sorry, no, but you go if you want.”
He obviously felt he should anyway after all and squeezed himself out of the car and headed to the kiosk.
Taking the few minutes to watch them scoot around the shop, gathering arms full of this and that, I folded mine and tried and work out what had actually happened tonight. Making no real progress, I naturally moved onto what was going to happen next.
In the past, the regular four of us often stayed at Steve’s flat, but of course I usually ended up being with Paul; even that was not an option now. It would feel odd going the much further distance home on my own. It had been crude but nice being a fly on the wall to listen to the other two of them making love so intensely. Although, from one side it made me feel worse about myself as I would never get to experience everything like it.
All three doors opened together, and the relatively quiet bodies settled into their seats eating the variety of sugary goods almost imperceptibly as we headed for the large blue signs directing the way home.
“I got you this.”
Long fingers proffered a bar of chunky milk chocolate; I took it with a smile. Realising I couldn’t easily open it and drive at the same time, it was retrieved to be opened for me; his hand lingered on mine for just a moment too long to be purely in passing. Looking at him was a definite mistake. He wasn’t as ugly as his physical excess might have made him. He went red as I took in his self-conscious smile which somehow fitted the odd proportion of his face, wide and deep with blush red lips. After taking a piece of the confection, we didn’t speak or even look at each other again.
The miles rolled away silently behind us but the two in the back woke without prompting when we were just a few streets away from the flat; their flat. Not stopping in the car parking area gave away my intentions and Steve leant through between the seats and gave me a rather expressive and under the circumstance, probably inappropriate kiss; he could be a terrible tease at times which I still liked. Although I would have loved to have taken more from it, as I often had in the past, I didn’t return the favour out of sensitivity for his partner; this was the story of my life. My concern was confirmed by the other one looking back at me with a less than appreciative look on his face as they walked away; I didn’t care. Steve was Steve and would always be very special to me.
That done, it just left the other ‘big’ problem.
“Can I drop you somewhere?”
“Well if that’s OK, I don’t wana put ya to any trouble.”
No, I thought cruelly, but you will anyway.
With little control over my feelings I doubt I appeared to be the caring soul I knew I could be.
“No that’s fine, where do you want to go,” one more stop wouldn’t matter and what was there to rush home to, “as long as it’s not in Manchester…”
I didn’t know why I tried to make a joke.
“It’s just nearer town if that’s OK?”
He was still looking at me sideways and rather sheepishly having not appreciated my questionable wit. Squeezing his leg to emphasise it had been a joke I don’t think he got it even then; by now I was too tired to care.
“Tell me where.”
Following his initial directions and realising I knew the tower block he had described, I went straight to it. We stayed quiet, too quiet in that difficult transfer time and the entire ‘what do we do now’ thing.
At the nondescript block of flats, I pulled in off the road but didn’t bother looking for anywhere specific to park as I hadn’t planned on stopping. My passenger seemed to hesitate. Despite me looking everywhere but at him I imagined he was uncertain as to whether he should offer me anything for the courtesy I had so generously shown; he just shuffled his large frame uncomfortably in the small seat.
“I know what you said earlier but I really didn’t know what Paul had planned I don’t do what ‘e does for a living, ‘onest,” honesty, that would be a first, “I just know ‘im and the others from around town. He messes with people’s ‘eads all…”
I cut in to save him further painful and unnecessary explanation.
“I know what he is, I’ve had enough experience of it and this is not the first time he…”
I trailed off as this was not the time or place to air dirty washing.
“You seem a nice guy, I’m sorry,” he opened the door and put one huge foot out onto the rough tarmac, “look, do ’ya wanna to come up, a cup of coffee, tea, just to say…”
He didn’t say for what exactly although I did wait a second of two to see if he would come up with something; but he didn’t.
What are you saying, what are you doing; no, no, no; you idiot. My head continued to protest profusely but I stubbornly ignored it. My body was considering some rather baser, desperate, instincts with dark pictures and crude expectations forcing my tired organic structure into a degree of arousal.
“OK, good, that’s nice,” his tone told me he hadn’t expected me to agree, “we might ’ave to be quiet though,” my face, must have given the thought away, “no, it’s OK but I don’t live ’ere, it’s not my…”
Having already completed the picture I still slid out of the car to save further confusion.
Looking around more carefully there was no room to move the car anywhere safer, but it seemed to be out of harm’s way and I wouldn’t be long; I told myself that anyway. What was possibly going to happen; was I just being nice; nice to whom; hopefully him; perhaps me; who knew? By the time my head had stopped its musings, he was waiting at the outer door holding it open for me to catch up.
Inside I had expected something like Steve’s building, but this was in a far worse state, the stench of stale urine assaulted your nose and the ill produced graffiti dazzled your eyes; it was a disappointment although not unexpected. The lift was slow and the wait awkward; as any expectations were still unknown for my part at least and I guessed, as much so for his. Coffee, what harm could it do? He didn’t do what the others did and just because we had the same sexual orientation didn’t mean we would be throwing ourselves at each other any time soon, or at all even. Madness, utter madness; the voices of decent were pushed roughly back into their box as they tried to escape and spoil any moment which might arise.
The lift arrived, and it was even worse than the shabby lobby. Darren looked embarrassed again, but I smiled him what I hoped was a disarming acceptance that it would be OK. The doors eventually closed behind us and opened noisily again at a floor which I didn’t see him select.
“Let me see what’s going on before we go in.”
Here we go with the cloak and dagger stuff despite preferring to know what I was walking into. I watched him let himself into a door just a few feet along the dim corridor and disappear inside. The questions started, should I stay, should I make a run for it, the lift was still there, only a few steps and you could be out of there; go; get out. Ignoring all the annoying nagging thoughts, I followed a beckoning gesture made by the long shadowy arm at the door to the flat.
Inside it was dark, but he stood holding the door open but with a finger to his lips to indicate how this should be played out, once the gesture had been acknowledged, he reached out to one side and pushed open the door next to him. Peering around and not actually sure who was going to go where first, my eye was caught by a low ghostly grey, shape coming down what I presumed was the hallway. My companion followed my eyes and whispered near my ear.
“It’s OK ‘e won’t ‘urt you, it’s just ‘is dog.”
Who the ‘his’ was referring to I didn’t need to know, but understanding I should be safe was more important. The shape solidified into a huge white boxer dog, he easily pushed past Darren’s attempt to keep him out of the room and ignored the curse which followed quietly behind it.
“Come in, quick.”
I didn’t quite understand the sense of urgency but complied.
Once the door was closed, we all seemed to relax. Darren switched on a very small table lamp which allowed me to see some of the cramped bedroom. The dog had stretched himself out on the bed easily taking up most of one half and obviously used to his place. Miscellaneous boxes seemed to fill every corner and clothes were piled up on a chair; the total chaos didn’t seem to bode well. Assorted posters covered most of the wall space but gave me no clue as to who the occupant was, it was random, mismatched, confused, perhaps that was him; hopefully not.
“Sorry about the dog, do ya want ’im out?”
Still not actually knowing if it would be I just shook my head, to speak yet but I could see Darren hadn’t taken my silent answer, so I whispered.
“No, it’s fine, he’s lovely,” for other more covert reasons he certainly was.
With the extraordinary size of the animal I wouldn’t have tried to shift him off the bed anyway. He, it was and prominently a ‘he’ and seemed happy to see us.
“This ain’t my place, I’m just crashing ‘ere for a while,” I had already worked out something along those lines, “ ‘e’s asleep so as long as we don’t make much noise it’s OK, the dog wont’ bark while ‘e’s in here, you sure you…”
Putting a hand up his inane mutterings stopped.
“Coffee?” I would at least try for a drink.
“Coffee. Do you really want,” my face must have fallen and I unconsciously took a step back towards the door, “sorry, no please don’t go, I mean,” he looked upset at the misunderstanding, “sorry, please, stay.”
He stepped forward and put an enormous arm round my shoulder to settle the confused moment, and probably to stop me leaving. I playfully thumped at the massive chest pressing against me not really knowing what to say. The dog lifted his head in curiosity.
I thought I should try again.
He left the room after indicating I should sit on the bed. The dog sniffed at my hand and licked it liberally leaving a great deal of slather which I didn’t really mind but with nobody else there to see, I wiped it on the bed cover well away from where I sat. Stoking the massive white head, neck, and shoulders to help pacify the beast which he seemed to enjoy, I was able to look round the room more closely. It would have been difficult to identify the person from the décor but as he had said, it was only temporary. What did I know? All this was bound to be another type of ruse or a con and for all I knew it was more likely to be his boyfriend who was supposedly fast asleep in their big comfortable dog free bed next door. What was I doing here?
The dog licked my hand again as I had momentarily stopped fondling him and looking down couldn’t help but notice the state of sexual excitement he had reached. Unfortunately, I had no time to see what could be done about it as my rather oblique chain of thought was interrupted by a quietly spoken curse as the door opened. The drips from the bottom of one of the mugs showed where he had spilt some of the dubious drink. He handed me the other one hopefully still dry. In the dim light I could see the liquid had milk and I expected some sugar but I hadn’t specified any preference. Putting whatever it was down on one of the few bits of free space next to the bed, I doubted it would be drunk.
“Are you OK?” It was me asking him this time.
“Ye, fine, it’s still quiet out there so we should be OK.”
It seemed everyone and everything was ‘OK’
“How long have you…”
Realising my arm’s length gesture around the room probably didn’t look very complementary, I withdrew my hand and cut short the comment.
“Not long,” he paused, pushed the dogs fully extended back legs to one side and sat on the bed, “I know you don’t know me but, I really don’t do what them others do, honest,” that would still have to be proved as far as I was concerned, “if you want to though….as a thank you for the lift and everything…,” he made the conventional move of touching my upper thigh, “I’m told I’m good at it,” obviously he was not used to using words, “I….”
Putting my hand onto his, he stopped his awkward waffling.
“I don’t expect any…”
I was stopped abruptly because he stood up and pulled off his still buttoned shirt over his head in one swift and perhaps well practised movement.
“ ’ow about you just….”
Again, he seemed lost for the words, but I had nothing which would help him just at that moment.
With the palpable tension, awkward movement and potential excitement, the dog had sat himself up and was paying a great deal of attention to us; it didn’t help to make the situation any more comfortable. Darren took the two small steps to stand right in front of me and reached out to touch my shoulder, I took his hand to stop any further damage being done.
“You don’t have to….”
My words of caution were ignored as his trousers fell to the floor, deftly undone with just his free hand. He did stagger a little to get his trainers and the trouser legs fully off and it was very comical momentarily; the dog thought so anyway and slavered more as he began to bounce about behind me.
“Most people like to get a load of this.”
He stood up straight which left nothing else to look at but the most enormous penis I had ever seen; even in magazines where you knew they were generally faked.
There was a great deal of this being lost for words but the dog’s agitation beside me and even the wet lick to the side of my face couldn’t remove my stare.
“What do you think of this then?”
He slowly stoked what had to be the 10, 11 or 12 inches which swung loosely below his flat hairless stomach.
Glancing at the rest of his exposed body it was truly wonderful in its muscular definition despite still having that peculiar ‘stretched’ look. With enough to distract me, my eyes couldn’t help but fall back to the absurdly proportioned member. He made no move or further suggestion as to what he was going to do as if this was part of a bizarre but mesmerising freak show. Without any direct stimulation, it began to raise its tilted head and I felt I had to react to it in some way.
“You don’t have to you know. I’m not your average punter, sorry, I know you don’t do… I just mean I, no you….” thankfully the meaningless words petered out.
“Let’s just see….”
Let’s just see what? I had no idea. Shuffling back on the bed as he pressed forward I still didn’t want to be too close to the monster, but I was curious enough not to stop looking, the dog seemed to take it as a signal and pushed himself between us. Alternatively licking my face, Darren’s stomach and fleetingly at his now fully engorged member; he obviously didn’t want to miss out on the attention.
“Yer can… ye know… if yer wanna.”
Darren looked down at me, caught my wide-eyed stare and he took my hand and placed it on the thick pulsing tube.
“It don’t bite ye know,” I took his half-smile as an attempt to relax the situation, “’ave ye ever seen such a thing…,” he moved my hand for me and seemed to happily accept whatever pleasure it gave him.
The growing, almost unbelievable stiffness was being reciprocated by one of my own albeit in a more modest way and thankfully hidden way; I had to shift my position to relieve the tightness in my trousers. Our knees touched and slid between each other.
The third member of the party still seemed to want to join in which was almost as disturbing. It was more because I had never been with anyone else when I had experienced canine company before and I didn’t really know what other people might think about such things; not that I wanted to discuss it there or then. Dragging myself away from the possibility there were other things to concentrate on.
As the now nearly fully erect, curiously banana shaped rod, bounced gently in time with his heart beat, Darren twisted to sit next to me and lay back on his arms to expose the magnificent appendage to its full advantage. It was impossible not to notice the dog’s excitement as he shuffled even closer to the action with his own prominence more than adequate for the purpose. Perhaps this was not his first time, the dog’s that is, perhaps it was the pheromones; perhaps it was just luck. Darren reached to pull him back by the thick chain he was wearing but I made some sort of a noise to say it was not bothering me; I didn’t really care neither did I know what to concentrate on the most.
This was obviously not going to be any kind of normal sexual encounter. Darren obviously knew it was not exactly normal either. To a casual observer, it would have looked like I had never handled another man’s intimacy and I didn’t really understand why it was proving to be so difficult, I had manhandled all sorts of things in my time, in this case it was just bigger than any other; anything human anyway.
With one, or even two hands progress seemed to be ineffective and even uncomfortable for him. The marked curvature took the comparatively small head to about 30 degrees from the shaft and the foreskin was painfully tight across the tip although he forced it back as if to show he could, I saw the grimace on his face as he completed the movement. The amorous activity of the dog did not help the strange routine still trying to indulge himself in our attempts at, well whatever you would call what we were trying to do.
With this odd behaviour seemingly going nowhere fast, I was starting to feel sorry for Darren and ended up sitting back away from where the action should have been. He seemed disappointed and started to wave his now slightly limp penis like a toy rather ludicrously. I had the feeling he was trying to indicate I should make use of it while I could; I couldn’t really contemplate it, not now. Despite its size it looked so fragile and to be honest, being a little unkind, not very appealing. Darren looked very uncomfortable and perhaps rather disappointed. With my conscience pricked, pardon the pun, I leaned back into the clinch and gave it some tentative and hopefully gentle attention with my tongue and took just the tip into my mouth despite it being rather dry with fear; hopefully I was saving us both from any unnecessary humiliation.
Out of the corner of my eye I was distracted by yet another potential embarrassment. The dog hadn’t moved far from the activity and had got even more excited at my oral attentions. Now fully exposed including his apple sized ‘knot’ he pushed it into my face where thin watery liquid dripped down my cheek. With everything getting too confusing and overtly complicated, I eventually had to let go of poor Darren, for breath if nothing else. Although I hadn’t managed to taste the dribble of creamy semen which had started to dome at the red eyes of both of their penises, the dog lurched right in to lick avidly at Darren’s and along its full length to the base of the now crest fallen erection. With mixed feelings and even a tinge of jealousy, I noted Darren didn’t stop him.
My most outstanding feeling was one of excited fascination, more so than anyone else in the room I would have wagered. Memories of another life flooded back to which my attraction might easily have been interpreted with disgust. As it stood, or in this case lay, there was no adverse reaction to the enthusiastic licking and I had the feeling this was not the first time this might have happened. The extremely muscular pure white body was pushing itself against me obviously trying to get a better angle. Despite wanting to lay my hands on the beautiful creature but not knowing if I might lose a few fingers if I did, I kept my poorly veiled desires to myself, although still desperate to explore the perverse but not wholly unknown possibilities. Feeling my resolve slipping away I eventually reached over his solid hind quarters to push past the thick muscular shoulders and take my own pleasure from both. Neither of the participants reacted to any of the stimulation and we slid apart, none of us having reached any great degree of satisfaction.
Darren must have already known his erection was a lost moment but parted his legs to let my hand cup his correspondingly large scrotum as a sort of second prize, my other found his companions. This obscure three-sum could so easily have become the perfect union. Obviously, it didn’t, although I had a very sticky patch in my underwear for my unrequited trouble.
A noise from another room stopped the action instantly. Darren looked worried, the dog quizzed for where the sound had come from, I just looked at the two of them equally disturbed by the unknown. We all sat perfectly still as an extreme and bizarre tableau until the clock ticked once more and I imagined I was the only one who was disappointed at this final curtailment of any action.
My human companion jumped up and tugged his trousers on. The dog bounced up and stood looking at the door, his previously exuberant member was unfortunately receding quickly into its mottled pink protective sheath, I just sat there not knowing what to do. Darren put a finger to his lips and I nodded my understanding. Opening the door, he listened, there was nothing any of us could hear. The dog would have noticed more than we might, but he just stood leaning his weight against my shoulder with his head on one side, the flap of one ear lifted slightly higher than the other. This time I couldn’t resist the urge to rub my hand over him, all over him and he didn’t seem to mind. Another noise, a door opening, Darren put his head out into the hallway and spoke in an odd kind of forced whisper.
“It’s only me, everything OK?”
The voice he used was deep, an atypical homosexual, I chided myself for even considering the rather crass thought and I missed whatever had been said from the darkness.
“OK, no, I’m in here, so’s the dog.”
The reassurance seemed to give the other person enough information, a door closed again. We both looked at him, he smiled, the dog bounced and licked his jowls, I breathed again and realised I had stopped during the exchange.
“He don’t like me ’aving visitors, you might ’ave to go.”
I was not ready to go but knew I needed to for my own good sense. If we hadn’t been interrupted I couldn’t honestly say what might have gone on but I was sure I could have shown the not wholly inexperienced Darren a thing or two. The moment had passed most likely never to be repeated; inside I felt rather dejected. There was nothing else to do but get things together, my trousers were still tenting slightly, and I was sure I could make out the dark patch at its pinnacle but even that should be safe in the dim light.
Trying to say goodbye to the magnificent hound and perhaps cop another feel of his attractive attributes, Darren was already holding both doors open to indicate the need to make a discrete and swift exit into the corridor. Exceeding to his unspoken wish, we exchanged an awkward kiss in passing as I slipped in front of him while he concentrated on keeping the dog from getting past us. Silence was still the order of the moment which was a real let down after such promise. In one way it made the leaving easier with no difficult meaningless verbiage but in so many other ways it was sad to know this would ever happen again.
The long, still very silent look from both faces in the narrowed doorway created more unnecessary awkwardness as I waited for the lift to grind its way up its stinking shaft. Despite my waving them in, they seemed intent on waiting for it to come. The dog had settled between Darren legs, restrained from running out, not that I would have minded, his excitement seemed to be poking out again but that might have just been my wilful imagination; or just the way he was sitting.
The lift finally came and those with hands waved a final goodbye as I stepped backward into the flickering stench of the metal box.
Darren had never been a regular on the gay scene I had been part of, you couldn’t have failed to miss him but perhaps that was a good thing for me. My righteous brain was telling me this of course while my deviant side was thoroughly disappointed.